i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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