Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
