you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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