Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize