ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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