Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
