So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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