quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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