I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
