whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
