he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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