Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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