Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
