I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
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We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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