I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
