So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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