I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize