On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think I won the penis lottery.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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