I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
