you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
