you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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