I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
this will be a night to untag.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
