Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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