then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
