Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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