I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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