I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
