I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Drunk is not a location!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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