I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
