you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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