Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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