I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
