sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
