Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
