i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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