that's an acceptable place to lick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
