that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
