Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
