Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
