Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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