he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
