I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
