If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
