well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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