he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
