I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
