We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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