idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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