im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
