Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
