you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
