CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
