i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
