Your mouth is God's brothel.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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