I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When are your genitals available?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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