her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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