I wannas sexs uuuuu
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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