i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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