Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I understand Curling. That high.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
