I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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