Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
