My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
