It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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