somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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