I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize