Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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