Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
